Bullies

There is something I cannot stand: bullies. We talk a lot about this in schools, but bullies exist at all ages. When we are young, we don’t have the tools to defend ourselves, and above all, to defend others. That’s why it gets on my nerves especially when I see bullying behavior among adults, like in companies or neighborhood associations.

The behavior is always very similar: treating others as if they owe you something, having very strong opinions that accept no pushback. Always targeting the most introverted people or those least likely to fight back.

Over time I have learned that as soon as you confront these bullies, they lower their tone pretty quickly. I am a fairly measured person in my opinions, and I work from consensus rather than confrontation. But I have also learned to spot these bullying patterns that I don’t want in my teams, where I have the authority to change it. I don’t want them in my peers or my superiors either.

That is why I think it is very important that, if you have enough influence and confidence, you confront those bullies wherever you spot the pattern: in your C-level with the office manager, in your senior PM with a junior dev. In your community of owners (very common in Spain, not sure about other countries), with the neighbor who yells the loudest.

Normally they lose their composure quickly and raise their voice fast at the beginning. That’s why it’s important that you don’t raise your tone just as fast and that your response remains calm. Faced with that situation, they feel outnumbered and de-escalate the tension fairly quickly.

The problem with bullies is that nobody confronts them just to avoid conflict. But the conflict already exists, we are simply not brave enough to spare others from it.

Be brave, and speak up.